If you read the review of my January box, you’ll know that this is the make or break-er. The fate of my £12.95 monthly Glossybox subscription rests on the shoulders of this one, pale pink box. Will it redeem the company in my eyes? Or will their boxes never darken my door again?

Glossybox Review: The Fashion Week Edition

Before I go on, let me just explain that I am a reasonable sort. I don’t just ‘take against things’ for the sake of it. I don’t bear grudges. I am perfectly willing to try new things, and with this in mind, was totally willing to have my mind changed by this month’s box. I love the concept – although with a great many beauty box companies either disappearing or being bought out, I wonder how long they’ll last. But anyway, I cast asunder any residual anger from the January box, and I eagerly tore open the packaging.

First thought: I loved the hot pink box from last month. This pale pink now looks a little drab and unexciting. I removed the lid, and read the list of products first. Hmm, ok…I then pulled out the bits of paper and got a look at the products. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but, they all looked rather small. Aesthetically, I think this is one of the least appealing boxes I’ve seen so far. A little card inside said ‘Expect the Unexpected’. Hey – I’d expected a decent box of good products. So I guess this is unexpected. Thanks, Glossybox.

So what was in there? A teeny, tiny, Barbie sized phial of DuWop ‘Venom Gloss’. I’ve long been a fan of DuWop and their Lip Venom range. It’s one of the few lip plumpers that works; but I’m not madly keen on having a frosted lip gloss in a shade that I can only describe, unfortunately, as ‘Camel’. Not ‘Caramel’, ‘Camel’. What next? A purple bottle of…hand sanitizer. HAND SANITIZER? Sorry? I thought this was supposed to be an indulgent box of lovely beauty things! While I appreciate the care for my welfare, Glossybox, I really don’t want to see a hygiene product in a beauty box. Ta. This stuff smells like a sweet old lady with a secret drinking problem (that’ll be the lavender and alcohol combination.)

Now a small bottle of Paul Mitchell’s ‘Super Skinny Relaxing Balm’. Look, let’s get another matter cleared up here, shall we? I have big hair. Massive hair. Hairdressers rake their hands through it and go ‘how?! How has this happened? Where does it all keep coming from?’ And do you know what? I LOVE my big hair. I have no wish to achieve ‘skinny hair’, you volume-hating meanies, so I shan’t be touching it. This is why Glossybox need to start using the beauty profiles we filled out. I shall remain proud of my full head of hair, and will be avoiding this as ‘skinny hair’ would probably make me look like an otter.

What now? Pure Mineral Eyeshadow by BM Beauty. Oh, look. I don’t get the mineral makeup thing, ok? It looks horrible on me. I don’t find it easy to use, or any better than ‘normal’ makeup. And a black eyeshadow? It’s just a little bit blah, really. Oh, but, maybe I’ll use it with my purple eyeliner from last month. I could save it for Halloween. Have Glossybox got a secret goth agenda, or something? Lastly, Invigorate Shower Gel by Como Shambhala. As my mother pointed out when she wandered into the room: ‘this looks like a freebie you’d get in a hotel!’ And when I smelt it, it didn’t get any better. It smells like something you’d inhale to get rid of a particularly vicious cold. It looks cheap. Actually, it all looks cheap. And considering this is supposed to be a ‘luxury’ beauty box, I am totally underwhelmed.

Do you want to know why I even gave them this extra month to prove themselves? I thought that, because last month was so panned by so many customers, they’d pull something really special out of the box. I genuinely believed that they would massively over compensate. This box is so poor, it almost makes me look back on the January one with the warm haze of nostalgia. It says on the back of the card that this is the ‘Fashion Week Edition’. Right. I wonder how many GB subscribers actually go to Fashion Week? I do, but I certainly wouldn’t use the hand sanitizer or shower gel for fear of suffocating other fashion show-goers with the smell.

My comments on last month’s box were mostly directed at Glossybox as a company. The Murad Primer I received last month was actually rather great, and I’m going to buy a full sized version, so I suppose it served a purpose. But this month is appalling. I keep seeing people on the Glossybox Facebook page telling other subscribers not to keep ‘complaining’ and to be ‘grateful’. Why? I’m spending £12.95 on a service that isn’t living up to expectations. These are not, in my eyes, ‘luxury products’. The Glossybox page says: ‘enjoy spoiling yourselves’. Ooh, I do love a good indulgent bout of hand-sanitizing, don’t you?

If you’ve enjoyed my Glossybox posts, I’m saddened to inform you that this will be the last. As of this morning, I am cancelling my subscription. Expect the unexpected…I wonder if Glossybox expected that?